I - I'm Fine
I - I’m fine!
Whether your day has been amazing or terrible, the answer is always the same: I’m fine, thanks. It satisfies the enquirer that they can move on with your chat.
Most grievers have been taught to plaster on a smile and say "I'm fine" when they really aren't.
Deadpool has a different version... but I like this acronym .
F - Feelings I - Inside N - Not E - Expressed
So why do we pretend to be fine?
🤐 It’s easier. By avoiding in depth conversation, we can protect ourselves from showing how much we are hurting.
⚖️ I’m too scared to tell you how I really feel. I’m afraid you will judge me. I’m afraid you won’t care, I’m afraid you will minimise my grief.
🤡 By saying I’m fine, you won’t label me as a ‘sad sack’. You won’t know that I’m in pain.
A major key to Grief Recovery is to express all the feelings you have in the moment. Instead of “I’m fine”, you could say ‘I’m having a tough day, thanks for asking’. The answer is truthful, but not inviting help or advice.
I’ve said it, especially to those people you don’t want to go into depths with. But for those who really care about you, it is important to be honest. Usually your body language is a give away that you are not truly fine.