I have always been the one to have to "make the decision" when the time came. Working as a vet nurse, I felt like it was my responsibility.
Teagan was bought home as a 12 week old kitten - found in Balcatta when I was working at the vet there... as usual, Jeremy didn't get a choice. I bought her home and she settled in straight away, with Laser the 2 year old male ginger tabby. She was a good little girl, but she got the nickname 'Monster' when, after a week of bringing her home, my 3 gold fish were eaten one by one!
She was a loving cat, she liked belly rubs, she was even on TV once, featured in a Weight loss program for cats!!
I had a chat with Teagan just after her 16th birthday, she was getting tired, arthritic and eating less. She had had skin cancer removed from her nose and ears, and was starting to suffer with renal disease.
It also didn't help that she now had a one year old blue heeler to deal with, and if that wasnt bad enough, I took on 3 kittens that she ended up "tolerating".
I wanted to let her know that I could see that she wanted to 'Go' and to tell me when the time was right... is the time ever right?
On that day, Teagan was given a light sedation (knowing that her kidneys were not in the best shape) and we performed a home euthanasia. I felt her heart stop and as I said "I love you Teagan Monster" I saw a white flame of light leave her tired little body. I had to wipe the tears from my eyes, as I thought I was imagining it. I sobbed and sobbed. I held her in my arms and kept saying I'm so sorry. As painful as it was, I know I did the right thing.
After a little while, I let the kittens and Opie in the room to say their goodbyes. Opie sniffed her and licked her little face. It was comforting to me as I knew that there was no way she would let him do that to her when she was alive!
I wrapped her in a fluffy blanket and placed her in the car. I drove her to the crematorium and had another final moment with her in the memorial garden. I drove home crying my eyes out - feeling I had left a piece of my heart behind.
I was so relieved when I got her ashes returned to me, a few days later.
I still miss you my Teagan Monster. I was so happy to have you in my life. You made me a better fur parent and I will love you forever xxxx